Why do I feel worse \/ more depressed than before I started trying to work on myself?

This one messes people up.

You start working on yourself. Trying to change. Doing the work.

Reading the books. Going to therapy. Setting boundaries. Building new habits.

And somehow, you feel worse than before you started.

More depressed. More anxious. More lost.

And you start wondering: "Why is that? Is personal growth making me worse?"

No. But I get why it feels that way.

Let me explain what's actually happening.

You're in the Gap

You're in what I call "the gap."

The gap between who you were and who you're becoming.

When you start to change, the old version of you starts to die.

The beliefs. The patterns. The identity. The assumptions. The story you've been telling yourself about who you are.

All of it starts to break apart.

And your brain? Your brain hates that.

And it panics.

It floods you with anxiety. Depression. Confusion. Doubt.

It makes you feel worse to try to pull you back to what's familiar.

"See? This personal growth stuff is making you miserable. Let's go back to how things were."

The feeling isn't actually depression (though it can look like it).

It's grief.

You're grieving the old version of yourself.

Even if that version wasn't serving you. Even if that version was keeping you stuck.

It was still you. It was familiar. It was safe.

And now it's dying. And some part of you is mourning that loss.

That grief shows up as:

Sadness for no clear reason

Feeling lost or untethered

Not recognizing yourself

Feeling like nothing makes sense anymore

Missing "how things used to be" even though you hated how things used to be

And this is when you are transitioning.

I know it doesn't feel good. But this phase is necessary.

You can't become someone new without the old version of you dying first.

You can't build a new foundation without dismantling the old one.

You can't shed the old skin without that uncomfortable period where you're raw and exposed.

The fact that you feel worse means you're doing it right.

It means change is actually happening.

Most people never get to this phase.

Because it feels better to stay comfortable.

And that is the reason when changing any area of your life, you must have a method, a framework; that's where The Framework of Change Mastery comes in.

You can check the full framework here.

See you soon.-